Planning for Aunt Flo*

*(not useful for other unwelcome relatives)

Having Aunt Flo as a house guest is basically equivalent to me taking handfulls of crazy pills each morning. Not to mention, every time she visits I get really agitated, bloated, my face breaks out and I’m just generally uncomfortable. I take on a ton of ‘water-weight’** which makes me discouraged and therefore even more irritable. This is not what I want to feel like walking down the aisle thankyouverymuch.

So I’ve started to monitor how I feel throughout the month. If Week ‘4’ is Auntie Flo's scheduled arrival, Week ‘3’ is the prep week. I think Aunt Flo is allergic to chocolate, therefore I feel it is my sole responsibility to eat everything chocolate in our apartment to prepare for her arrival. What kind of hostess would I be if I just left that stuff lying around? Again, not something I really want to deal with when I’m trying to look my best in an unforgiving color. So, let’s say weeks ‘3’ and ‘4’ are out.
This leaves us with weeks ‘1’ and ‘2’ –

Scheduling Week ‘1’ for my wedding week seems like it would be fine, I definitely wouldn’t have to worry about Aunt Flo showing up on the honeymoon :), but this means that Week ‘4’ just ended and I really don’t think I need Aunt Flo hanging around right before the wedding since she will only add an extra dash of crazy to what is sure to be an exhaustive and stressful week leading up to the wedding.

So, that leaves us with ‘Week 2’ as the optimal wedding week. It’s coming right up, so I’m going to try to really monitor how my body feels throughout the week and make sure this week brings about the least crazy/skinniest/clearest complexion out of my four options. This would leave at least one week free and clear for the honeymoon, and since Aunt Flo usually visits near the end of Week ‘4’ I’ll have most of that week as well!

I’m planning on adjusting Aunt Flo’s travel schedule ASAP, once I figure out the optimal week, because messing with her plans closer to the actual wedding date seems like a recipe for disaster. Once she gets used to a certain cadence of visits it's sometimes hard to change and I'd hate for her to show up unexpectedly :)

**This IS and will remain 'water weight', despite having admitted to consuming copious amounts of chocolate the previous week. Please leave me my delusions :)

Are you making any plans for Aunt Flo?


AmyJean said...

I love this post... lol! It's something we brides all worry about...

Christy said...

I definitely went through and counted weeks, figured, and figured again! Thank goodness we CAN have SOME control over this!

Adrienne said...

This is too funny! And so true!